Attention seeking is the insecure’s way of giving.
When I became aware a few weeks ago, that I was a massive attention seeker, I was, well, quite shocked. Me ! Attention seeking ! Like what ..?!
At that time I had been given a few powerful conversations by top coaches and their heartfelt attention, recognition and approval of me during our conversations felt so good and uplifting… yet I would crash soon after the appointments where finished. My words and my plans turned out to be way ahead of my actions and I was not yet able to match them bc of all the insecurity and doubts I still felt, and so I fell back to where I had originally reached out from to these coaches asking for support.
At some point over some fun fb comments it struck me. In a moment of awe I saw what I was doing: I was seeking approval. To not feel insecure anymore. About me as a Coach, about my power as a Coach and also about simply wanting to be a powerful Coach. And about other things as well. When you want to feel insecure, the mind comes up with pretty much anything, especially the things that matter to you. Insecurity sits quite close to shame, so that came up as well. I began to reflect- well, detect- the whole thing. I saw it in so many aspects of my life- my friendships, my jobs and yes ! my romantic relationships !!- oh it was like red tape all over my life all of a sudden. And I found that in my attention and approval seeking of others, beneath it and aside of the everyday confused feelings that really just happened in reaction to that habit of seeking- I actually wanted to be simply me all along the way and just give and share, what I had in my heart. Deeply connect with and empower fellow human beings to see and understand their abilities instead of working in stupid jobs (which is not a statement about the job itself, but my relation with it) and creating set backs everyhwere in my life with it.
I understand now, that being unaware of said insecurity it has the power to confuse me to such an extreme degree, that my actual wish gets turned around, corrupted. I begin to sometimes mindlessly take and expect even more from others. I become agitated, nervous, possibly arrogant and of course… needy. I create conflicts with it. And then wonder about the results that those conflicts then bring in.
Understanding my pattern like a light bulb moment would turn me back to my intital state, turn me back to what I only saw as my potential, instead of my actual being: Giving. Authentic. Natural. Loving. Open. Humor accessible. Vulnerable without the need to arm up, but with boundaries forming bc at the same time a restful strength was taking insecurities’ place and protect me in a healthy way.
I would turn back to be attention giving. Instead of seeking. I would feel free. Light hearted. Connected. Doing what I loved, out of love.
It turned out to be a quiet, but profound transformation in my life. It continues to be so. And a lot has changed since then.
The Coaches had served me well.
Where in your life do you seek attention?
And when you become aware of situations you are doing it in- I invite you to notice, how you feel. How does *it* feel ? How does it feel to *expect* to be seen, nurtured, given to, cared for, approved ?
Here is one important disclaimer: There is nothing wrong at all with such expectations. They are valid options of expressing yourself. After all, your feelings, that somehow originated in you for known or unknown reasons will come through in your actions. Actions create our life. And all we need to do is pay attention to the way we act. And to the way it feels, while we act. And make woke decisions. That way we reclaim our personal power step by step and change every outcome in our life.
Let go a little in a moment of expectation and attention seeking and allow the insecurity, it’s bright sister shame and that follow-up crew the “What if… ??!!” thoughts, pass. Or whatever else you might feel. Maybe you feel a need to prove yourself.
Allow yourself to be quiet, with or without noise.
And then, once you can see yourself, make out, what you have to give to or share with someone else out of your own powerful independence that is your very heart.
See how it will transform your life.